Lindsey: The Human Incubator

Where to begin? I finally spoke with the OB nurse at my doctor's office Monday afternoon and she asked me to stay on bedrest until the doctor could see me on Tuesday morning. Thankfully, Caleb was napping by the time I talked to her and he slept until Clayton got home.

Clayton took me to the doctor yesterday morning and I'm 2 cm dilated but not effaced at all yet. The doctor said he wanted me to continue on a modified bedrest until Sunday when I'm full term (resting the majority of the time, but able to get up for a few minutes occasionally if I'm not having contractions). He said everything looked good but the baby was measuring on the small side, so he also wanted me to have an ultrasound to check his size.

The ultrasound tech didn't have any openings for another week, so they advised us to go down to her office and wait and she would fit me in between appointments as soon as possible. We waited for a little over an hour before she called us back and we started the ultrasound. The placenta and cord looked great, but baby is definitely on the small side. His head was actually measuring a week or two ahead, but his body was measuring about a week behind. She said this difference is typical, because when a baby starts to fall behind in growth or nutrition, all the nutrients get sent to the baby's head to his brain and then the rest of his body starts to fall behind. His weight was estimated at 5 lbs 14 oz and this puts him in the 28th percentile. He was in the 34th percentile at my 20 week ultrasound, so it's a definite concern that his growth has slowed and dropped off a bit.

The other alarming part of his small size is that Caleb was a fairly big baby and usually in the 90th percentile for size. He was born at 38 weeks and was 7 lbs 15 oz. The other concern the ultrasound tech found was that my amniotic fluid is on the low side. The normal range for this is between 8 and 18, and my measurement was 9. I'm technically still in the normal range, but the fluid typically decreases towards the end of the pregnancy, so the tech stressed repeatedly how important this was to keep an eye on. We don't want it to dip too low, as this is dangerous to the baby.

Because Caleb was always so big and both pregnancies have had very few complications until this point, all of this information came as quite a shock. The ultrasound tech said the most important things I can do are to stay on bedrest and be off my feet as much as humanly possible, and then be sure to eat enough and push a lot of fluids. This upset me even more because after her lecturing, I felt like she thought it was my fault. Because of the hip/pelvic pain I've had, I've been considerably immobile the past couple of months. I'm not trying to be "super mom" as she put it, and I have certainly let Clayton take the lead with most things at home. I also am not a person to skip meals and in no way, shape or form have I been trying to diet or limit my food intake. I eat a ton and have been drinking 5 or 6 16oz glasses of water every day.

So once I went home and digested all of this, Clayton and I talked and decided that the only thing I could really do different, is be on complete bedrest and not have Caleb home with me. I was really upset and torn about this because on the one hand, I feel like I need to not move off the couch if I'm going to take care of Owen and be a good mom to him. For him, my most important job is to rest, eat and hydrate so he can grow and "cook" as long as possible. But on the other hand, there is a strong sense of weakness and failure that comes with having to ask someone else to take care of Caleb when I'm home doing nothing all day long. I hate feeling like I have to choose one child over the other and I hate worrying about burdening others because we need help. Plus, I really, really miss him.

It was an emotional and stressful day, and thankfully we do have wonderful family that is helping out with Caleb the next day or two. Clayton has been taking great care of me as well. He brings me anything I need and has been doing everything for Caleb and around the house by himself. It's hard to see him do so much and be so tired and then have to go to work all day.

I hope things get better soon. I'm praying for a healthy baby and that I can stay strong and hang in there until he's ready to come out.